Sometimes...

Sometimes picking your nose from below gets boring and routine,
why not..
PICK IT FROM THE SIDE?


JUST STICK YOUR FINGER RIGHT IN THERE.
(Hold the jokes, please, I know that's what she said.)
The thing that really gets me about this girl, is she only has one side of her nose stretched like this.
Where's the symmetry?
And I thought blowing my nose with a septum ring was tough.


ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED NOTE:
When my brother and I used to fight as children (which inevitably involved pellet guns, safari hats, and/or fire,) my parents used to get angry at us for not getting along.
Now I yell "LOVE EACH OTHER" when they bicker, and they look at me like two frightened deer.

Yeah, REAL safari hats.


Once, at a friend's barbeque, I needed a knife to even out the ketchup on my burger, and I asked the host
"Hey, can I use the knife to spread it?"
"Yeah sure," he says.
"MAN, TOOOOO MANY NIGHTS HAVE STARTED OUT THAT WAY."

He just stared.
This is what I'm using to replace "That's what she said!" in my day to day life.
I prefer to use it in completely non-sexual situations, though.
But the genius in it is, you're thinking about knives and spreading in a sexual way now.
You don't know how, but, its GOTTA be sexual in some way, right?
My comments weren't alluding to anything sexual at all! You just assumed MY TONE was referring to a crazy Las Vegas bachelorette knife party.
(Angelina Jolie would totally dig it)
YOU'RE DISGUSTING.
(That means you Kenny, since you the only one who reads this shit.)
(Hi!)

"Man, if I had a nickel everytime I heard that one"
and
"Don't threaten me with a good time!"
also seem to suffice.

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