TWO MORE HORRIBLE TALES

#1:

A week ago I was buying some boots at Zellers.

Yeah, I know y'all have moved on to Walmart but I SUPPORT CANADIAN COMPANIES.*

*Buyout by Target notwithstanding.

N E WaIz:

I'm standing in the cashier line with my cheap-ass boots and I'm waiting for the cashier to get off the phone and end her conversation with what appears to be her middle-aged child about what she should make for dinner. (ENTHRALLING.)

While I'm waiting for her to ring my purchase through my phone rings.

For many a month now I've had my ring tone set to the Bed Intruder Song; I just cant get enough of it.

SO MY PHONE RINGS, its in my jacket pocket.

CLIMBIN' IN YO WINDOWS

And I'm fumbling to put the boots on the counter and put down my wallet and other shopping bags,

SNATCHIN' YO PEOPLE UP

but I'm not going fast enough to stop it...

TRYNA RAPE 'EM

.

And I finally snatch up (LOL) my phone and hit the "ignore" button,

But its too late.

The line's been said.

And the elderly couple behind me looks unamused.

NUMBER TWO

In class this week we were comin' up on our 7th hour of lecture and my mind was turning to mush.

I'm pretty much done with concentrating at this point, and note that Natasha's water bottle is sitting on top of the table we share.

I bump the table leg with my leg and watch the water in the bottle ripple.

No response from Natasha.

I bump the table again.

Natasha looks at me.

I bump it again, and I say to her, "There's a T-rex coming."

Natasha starts to giggle and puts her hands to her mouth to muffle it, but I lean in wide eyed and stop her.

"BE CAREFUL," I say, "THEIR SIGHT IS KEYED TO MOVEMENT"

Jurrasic Park was on last weekend.

Pic unrelated:

NO OFFENSE

In all political correctness I will start this blog entry with apologies for any racial stereotypes that may follow; TIS IN JEST!

This Christmas break..

This EXTREMELY SHORT Christmas break, because I choose to be schooled in places that don't see the benefit of proper time off..

Matt and I went for a quick jaunt to the mountains.

While there, we decided to go on a hike.

(Aside: Hiking up trails in Ugg boots, while the right side of the trail is bordered by CLIFF, and you have absolutely no grip, is inadvisable.)

Wait, you're hoping this blog entails me falling down a mountainside and breaking all my extremities?

Not so, fans, not so.

Not so, haters, I'm sorry.

We park the car at the start of the hiking trail, and as I'm about to close the door an Asian tourist runs up to me.

OKAY I am not generalizing here, there was a tour bus that many people of asian heritage departed from, he was a tourist.

He runs up to me, and asks if I have any tissue.

"YES, ACTUALLY," I realize, and I reach into my purse to grab one from my little tissue purse-pack.

I previously bought two printed-upon packs of tissue, one with a scene of a snowman printed on it, and the other, well..

"YES, ACTUALLY," I say, and I hand him a tissue, "I mean, its Hello Kitty tissue though."

"Thats fine," says the man, and he takes the tissue.

And when he looked

he looked pleased.