TL;DR - Suicidal crab is suicidal

Today feels like a MEMORIES MONDAY!
I feel like I may have told this story before, but a quick search of my blog tells me that I haven't so I simply must preach this cautionary tale:

REASONS TO NEVER OWN HERMIT CRABS


A couple years ago I owned 3 hermit crabs.  It struck me as a good idea to ask for them for my birthday.  I've had fish before and these guys seemed to require similar maintenance. I tried my best with the information at hand, but I realize in hindsight that properly taking care of hermit crabs requires specific dietary and humidity needs. Maybe this is why I am now plagued by re-occuring nightmares where I discover I own a fish/hamster/animal as a pet but it is now dying because of my lack of care. Guilt dreams, they will be the end of me.

WHOA, TANGENT. Lets get back on track here:

So I have 3 hermit crabs, and I tried my darndest to take care of these things. Even so I named them Crab 1, Crab 2, and Crab 3 so as to not get too attached. Despite this, Crab 3 is my favourite.
They live in a small terrarium with a wire mesh back and lid to it. The crabs enjoy climbing up the back wall of the terrarium and then incessantly 'plucking' at the mesh lid in the middle of the night. The noise becomes taxing on my nerves and I eventually move the crabs to another room.

Additional to this, the larger, stronger crab continually picks on the smaller crab, and I'm beginning to worry for it's safety.  I begin yelling "LOVE EACH OTHER" when it gets too violent and all 3 crabs rapidly retreat into their shells.  This makes me sound like a cruel crab-mama but I did take them out of their cage and feed them grapes/bananas and let them run laps in a cardboard box I'd set on the ground. Y'know, normal fun-fare crab stuff.

Good things seldom ever last though, and thus came about the death of Crab 1.  This wasn't too traumatic of an event, as I noticed #1 stopped moving around one day, and when I went to pick it up, it's lifeless body fell out of it's shell. Saddened and slightly mortified by what hermit crabs look like out of their shells, I dispose of the body and carry on with life.

Then comes death of #2.  This one was slightly more terrifying, perhaps brought on by the increased humidity I attempted to create in the tank.  #2 hadn't emerged from it's little crab hut in a few days and when I attempted to investigate I found it dead, and unfortunately it had begun growing mold. Nevertheless I am not as shaken as with #1's death, since #2 was always the meaner crab of the group.

Life goes on for many weeks, and Crab 3 is livin' in luxury without having to be bullied by the other 2. Sometimes I take it out of it's tank and it sits in the palm of my hand while eating grapes. Despite how GOD DAMN CREEPY hermit crabs are, we form a bond.  Every morning I wake up to change it's water and give it fresh food, and one morning before school I happened upon a terrible event:
I see the empty shell laying in the middle of the crab tank.  Ecstatic I think perhaps Crab 3 has finally moved into one of the larger shells I've provided for it, but no, the other shells are empty.  Suddenly I see a lone claw in the corner of the tank. WTF? As I take a quick scan of the scene I notice another claw in the opposite corner, along with legs strewn along the perimeter of the tank and finally, my limbless crab, dead behind the crab hut. With no time to thoroughly evaluate this situation I clean up the mess and head to university, vowing to never own hermit crabs again. The whole experience lasted around 6 months, and I can't tell if that's a sign of a successful crab venture or not, but I'm thinking its the latter.

Later I would do a little research and find out that this limb-shedding spectacle is indeed a "thing" for hermit crabs, wherein they go crazy and walk laps around their environment, gradually ripping off all their own limbs until they die.

HEY MAN, WE'VE ALL THOUGHT ABOUT DOING THAT, AM I RIGHT?

And that, gentle readers, is a species I no longer feel any kinship with. Even looking at a picture of #3 makes me shudder.

I work in mergers and acquisitions

HEY ALL,

The other day my friend, Carli, and I were shopping in the store I frequently visit to oogle over the expensive pair of biker boots I want.
I suppose there's no reason to continue looking at them when I've already convinced myself the purchase would be impractical, but I just can't help it!

They sell a series of wrist watches made entirely out of reclaimed hardwood (I mean, save for the watch mechanism) and I'm intrigued. I consider buying one made out of raw unfinished wood, but Carli asks the salesperson if they will handle water well, since we frequently have to wash our hands in the hospital.

He says they're sealed and splash resistant, so it would be okay.

I nod, and ask "What about if I get blood on it?"
This is a legitimate question to ask since respiratory therapists often deal with blood and sputum/phlegm.  I fail to mention my occupation choice to the salesperson prior to this though, and he says "Yeah... that would probably stain.."
"Oh, thats no good then," I lament, and lose interest.

Carli pays for her things and we leave.

LATER: I come upon a revelation that perhaps the sales guy was a little confused as to what I plan on doing that would entail my (apparently very serious) concern with blood getting on my accessories.

Also, to anyone who's heard the news of the American Psycho remake going into production: I WORK IN MURDERS AND EXECUTIONS.

World history

DEAR DIARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I saw Matt for the first time since he'd gone out of town 2 weeks ago.  This doesn't seem like a huge deal in the broad spectrum of all life's problems, but call me soft-hearted (I KNOW, ITS AMAZING HOW PEOPLE CHANGE...) I missed him.

To celebrate, we go out to dinner. I decide to go to Mongolie Grill.

Matt picks me up and as we're walking to the car I tell him we don't have to go to Mongolie Grill if he doesn't want to.  I express concern that, I know he doesn't really like chinese food.

"They don't really serve chinese food, Larissa," Matt says.
"I know, I guess its just general asian food ---"
"--- In fact, I think the wall, that famous wall the Chinese people built.... it was actually built to keep the Mongolians out of their country and culture," Matt says.



CHECK MATE.

Pic unrelated!

Hand gestures

HI DIARY,

I get a lot of flack from people for giving other drivers the finger while driving.
Now I know I have road rage. I'm the type to yell incessantly at other cars* or slow down when some asshole is tailgating me, but those two offenses out of the way, I'm not crazy.
I don't cut people off, and I don't run other drivers off the road. I also generally obey the speed limit +/- 15% of the speed limit.

But I'm trying to not give people the finger... as much.
So today when I was turning left in a parking lot, and the guy across from me was driving straight, and CLEARLY failed to notice the stop sign he was supposed to stop at, I prepared myself to give him a "thumbs down."
And when he didn't stop and almost hit me, I went to give him the gesture, but
DANGER DANGER, THE WIRES IN MY BRAIN HAVE CROSSED
I'm not used to NOT giving the finger, and something went wrong,
I gave him the thumbs up.

Wait a second.
I realize my infraction in a split second and resort to pointing at the stop sign and yelling, to myself, THERE IS A STOP SIGN! and continued driving.

Needless to say I'm sure the other driver assumes I'm bi-polar.


* ASIDE: Yelling is a pretty guilt-free thing I do to get the rage out, as my windows are often closed. But I do still fondly recall a fine summer day when I had all my windows down (since my A/C was broken) and I let a fellow driver into my lane.
I do this frequently because it makes me feel philanthropic.
BUT THEN THE DRIVER DIDN'T COURTESY WAVE, and livid about the lack of driver etiquette I yelled WAVE TO ME, GOD DAMNIT.

Clearly the other driver had their windows open too, because a meek hand was raised just high enough for me to see, and a furtive wave was executed.
Yeah. That's right. YOU WAVE. EVERY TIME.