FUTBOL

Friday night I went to the football game with Kylie, HB and Cayden.
This was fun because we're all SINGLE LADIES, ALL THE SINGLE LADIES, and we got to yell loudly at shit.

(This is actually what every woman wants, not diamonds)
(Though I do like diamonds, Thx.)

Despite being a pretty big football fan in my younger years, I've forgotten how a lot of the rules go, and also didn't wear my glasses so it was tough to see where the ball was. Needless to say I only WOO!'d at the wrong moment once.
POINT BEING?

There was a man in the lower rows that was the epitome of douche @ 40 years of age.
He was severely tanned, frosted blonde hair, bedazzled true religion jeans, and a lime green dress shirt, top 3 buttons left undone.
I'm sorry sir, we're at a football game.

He keeps walking past our seats to get beer throughout the game, and I can't help but comment that he's what a certain ex-boyfriend is going to look like in 10 years (ALL MY SINGLE LADIES, ALL MY SINGLE LADIES)
We giggle.

At the end of the game, he walks past our seats once more, and in the chaos of people leaving the stadium, I figure its loud enough for me to look at him and go "BLECH."

Well apparently not, because he heard and glared at me.

A woman sitting a few seats down turned to me and said "Oh wow.. did that not make you feel really dirty?"

I guess she thought he was checking me out, but I can probably guarantee the thoughts running through his head were not "HOW YOU DOIN'?" but rather "WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY SHIRT? LADIES LOVE THIS SHIRT."

Ladies want this.

+ I've mentioned this one a million times, but while we're on the topic..

Why is it, when a man is hitting on you at the bar, and you tell him you're a lesbian, it works the opposite way of how you want?

Bi-sexual is what you want, guys.

Actually, you want a slutty bi-sexual.

Actually, you just want a slut.

Seriously though.

"Sorry, I'm a lesbian."

"LESBIAN? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? ;) "

"A WOMAN."

Men seem to live in a strange fantasy world where all twins wanna make out with each other, all lesbian's secretly want to satisfy their craving for a penis, and all slumber parties involve clothing-optional and pillow fights.

AND WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH AIRPLANE FOOD?

(Actually its pretty decent as far as I'm concerned, highlight of my life when you've been eating bread and peanut butter in the southern hemisphere for 5 days.)