Kittens, inspired by.. KITTENS

Blog title refers to a delightful youtube video I think you should all look up POST HASTE.

Anyway: This blog entry involves MEMORIES FROM THE PAST!

Every year there is an open house which everyone in my program is obliged (read: forced) to participate in. As open house this year is fast approaching, I remembered a lovely tidbit from last year that I must have put away in the dark corners of my mind until now.

Last year our program's theme was a haunted carnival of sorts. We had games involving guessing types of sputum (or "phlegm" for all you non respiratory therapy buffs out there,) pig lungs set up on ventilators, etc. For every station you visited you got a delightful halloween themed sticker.

The first open house day is usually attended by highschool students forced there by their own schools, so the excitement level is usually pretty low. Nevertheless I am really pushing my sputum game and making lively chatter with the attendees, UNTIL!:

A group of guys comes up to my station, I'm gonna say they're around 15 or 16.

They feign interest at the sputum game, but since I'm a generous person I offer them stickers anyway.

I ask the guys if they want a pumpkin sticker, or a ghost, or maybe even a cute little kitten wearing a witch hat, and one of the guys, OBVIOUSLY the lady's man of the group says "I'll take the cat, I love pussy."

Hmm.

Perhaps he thought this would somehow bag him a successful older girlfriend but I'm not sold.

We exchange an awkward stare for a few seconds (mostly due to the fact he's a few inches shorter than me) and I tell him "Well you're not getting any from me so you can have a spiderweb sticker."

YOU LIKE APPLES?

HOW DO YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?

Pic unrelated, except for maybe being the story of this guy's life one day:

BOOORRRRNNN FREEEEEE

Dear Diary,

Perhaps I've mentioned in the past how my mother encourages me to live on the wild side, such as when she says "Larissa, just don't wear a bra!" or when I ask her if my shirt is too low, or my dress is too short, she says "Flaunt it while you still got it!"

Too bad for her she has a prude for a daughter!

Today after taking a shower I stepped out to realize, TO MY HORROR, that I'd forgotten to bring my towel into the bathroom with me.

Poking my head out the bathroom door, I tell my mom in the kitchen to avert her eyes so I can make the scandalous dash to my room.

She obliges.

But when I get to my room, which has two floor to ceiling windows that face the main street, I realize, TO MY HORROR AGAIN, that I've left my curtains open.

"NOOO," I yell, "MY CURTAINS ARE OPEN," and I run to the next room to conceal myself.

My mother hears my cries and says "There's people outside, they'll witness you!"
"NOOO," I yell again, and I ask my mother "REALLY?"

"YEAH!" says my mom, "YOU SHOULD FLASH THEM!"

Oh mother.

She says I can just grab another towel from the linen closet if I'm so outraged, but after a few more seconds of humming and hawwing in the nude, I tell her I'm gonna just go into my room anyway.

"If they don't like it they don't have to look," I announce, to which my mom yells back: "ATTA GIRL."

This has nothing to do with my scandalous past outlined in this blog entry.

Making an idiot of myself at school

I think the title is pretty self explanatory.

Case 1:

Walking to the parkade with classmates at the end of school, we are accosted by two young men with a video camera.

They say they are doing a segment on the parking situation and want to know if we have any opinions.

Carli and Emily give a firm "No thanks!" and continue walking, and despite the fact I'd spent the entire day feeling like an ugly scrub, I apparently couldn't resist the camera and said OKAY :D

I don't know what to say, so Carli gives me a few lines and I spew them out with the same grace as a parrot repeating phrases for crackers.

Nevertheless, I state my case gracefully, but then

because I am impossibly and hopelessly awkward, I do that STUPID FINGER-FUN POINT at the camera and give a lil' wink.

HONESTLY?????

I hope they edit that shit out. I just can't stop myself.

Case 2:

Today in my cardiovascular class we're discussing something I obviously didn't retain enough to make this story relevant.

ALRIGHT SO ANYWAY

We're discussing combining two things to create something else, and my instructor seems to think this is an appropriate time to make a digimon reference.

WOW.

He asks if anyone in the class ever played with digimon cards, because there's apparently some move called "Digibind" where you combine two of the cards together. HOW DOES HE KNOW THIS?

Eager beaver that I am, I thrust my hand into the air.

"You played digimon cards?" my instructor asks.

"Oh.. no," I correct, as I place an eschewing hand in the air, "I only played pokemon."

"Oh wow, so you had the Charizard card then I guess," he jokes.

"Holographic, even," I say, but he isn't paying attention anymore.

"What was that? Nevermind, it doesn't matter."

"First edition, even..." I say

"Alright getting back to the lesson.."

What really blows my mind though, aside from the fact I talked with my college instructor about pokemon in front of the entire class, is that he's gotta be pushing 50 and somehow knows what digimon is.

I give this blog entry 4/10 on the funny scale today.