Life Lessons

Today I learned many interesting new things:

1. Sometimes, when you snap open the top of your shampoo bottle, the shampoo will launch into your eye like a tiny shampoo-droplet bullet. MORE IMPORTANTLY, when your shampoo boasts as having "guarana and ginseng" extracts in it (because apparently my hair needs to be washed in red bull every day) it is gonna hurt AT LEAST 10x AS MUCH as regular shampoo. I did some major yelling in the shower tonight.

2. Sometimes, when you take your dog for a walk in the ravine, and he wanders into the bushes for a while and won't come back, you will notice that wherever you go smells.. kind of like shit.

And even when you check your shoes, and your dogs paws, it still kinda smells like shit.

Sometimes, when your dog wanders off, it really means he's rolling in a dead animal. AND IF THIS HAPPENS, you shouldn't play with your dog afterwards, because you'll smell like dead animal too.

3. When your give your dog a bath, (Your very smart dog, as he jumps into the bath tub right after you say "Wow, I need to give Satchel a bath") he will get extremely excited once you dry him off. And even though you washed him with PANTENE PRO V SHAMPOO, he will still smell kind of like dead animal, and now that he's got the post-bath jitters, he wants to follow you around and jump on you / everything near you.

4. Taking "a short cut" down whyte ave on the way home, when its rush hour and there is a severe amount of construction on every road in whyte ave's vicinity, is a stupid idea.

Its also stupid to drive in the middle of two lanes.

(THIS WAS NOT ME THOUGH, it was another stupid person!)

Its also stupid to yell "LEFT LANE OR RIGHT LANE MY FRIEND, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" at the car ahead of you that's in the middle of the two lanes, when your window is open, and so is the passenger side window

of the car next to you.

I'm actually a really nice person, not always raging!

You are so not sleeping on my bed tonight, dog.

/LATER

Okay I guess you ARE sleeping on my bed you whiney bastard, but not until I spray you down with some serious scented linen spray. Ugh.