Why I push people away

Dear Diary:

Today I got certified in CPR! Yay!

Tonight Heather, Kylie, (Also known as Single Ladies Mafia) and I went out for Becky's birthday. I gave her her card and she loved it because it had profanity. Kids are so easy to please.

Later we went to O'Byrnes, our new stomping grounds because it has cute bartenders who gives us free shots (being a girl is so tough some times.)

Now, I'm not saying that people of the opposite sex flock to me by any means, but throughout the course of a night, I will have random conversation struck up with me a few times.

Usually I'm friendly and like to throw in a few jabs, such as

"Hey ladies, wanna join us for sociables? We need some women to make this bachelor party more acceptable, because some of the sociables cards are kind of suggestive."

"There's nothing wrong with being gay, man."

"I never said I was gay!"

"There's nothing wrong with it!"

Of course, going back to the theory that when I drink I:

1. Yell about having more shots.

2. Punch myself in the nose

3. Start fights

I tend to start shit with those unfortunate enough to strike up a conversation.

Case and point:

Kylie, HB and I are standing at the bar. A young man comes up and starts talking to us about beer, birthdays, what we're drinking, etc.

This is all fine and dandy.

He asks us for our names.

"I'm Kylie," says Kylie

"I'm Heather," says Heather.

The man puts goes to shake my hand, and I grasp it firmly, looking into his eyes and say

"Hi, I'm The Hammer."

Don't mess.

Soon after, as this guy was still talking uncomfortably to Kylie, I stuck my arm between then and said "Excuse me sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step back."

Hi, I'm The Cockblock.

And my mother thinks I'll never get married, WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?

Later I started an uproarious game of MOOSE KIIIINGGGG with everyone at our table, a bouncer, and a few randoms throughout the bar.

Yeah, so I guess I've been drinking pretty regularely (vis a vis: once everyone 1 - 2 weeks, not every night, in my defense please), but I bring fun and good times wherever I go!