Waiting for the day I get assaulted

Its been too long since I've posted up a proper "pick up line put down" blog entry!

Last night HB and I attended a show hosted by Easy Love for Villains, and while I've seen Easy Love in action before, I've never gone to one of their actual events before, and gat damn was it ever awesome.

Point being on this blog, though:

We arrived around 10, the place wasn't too packed so we sat down at a large booth.

I don't know if this is mistake #1 or not, because having empty seats around you is just asking for someone to come saddle up beside you.

Normally I wouldn't mind people saddling up beside me, but I always get the crazies!

Cue: Man in a full track suit sitting beside Heather (albeit friendly, so I'm not gonna bring this guy down,) and a... clearly innebriated on SOMETHING man, sits beside me.

Conversation goes as follows:

Drunk: "Soooooo, what seems to be the problem here?"

L: ".... There's no problem."

Drunk: SILENCE.

L: SILENCE.

Drunk: SILENCE

L: "Is that seriously your opening line?"

Apparently it was.

I look at his friend, who will from now on be known as TRACK PANTS, and he says "What seems to be the problem?"

(Is there an echo in here?)

L: "Your friend's opening line."

Track Pants says "Oh... he's not my friend"

Aside: He's totally this guy's friend, but T.P. has just become ashamed of him.

They introduce themselves and leave the table. I figure I've shut this one down fast enough, but sure enough, Drunkie comes back!

He sits down beside me and moving his hands around to the beat, leans in romantically:

"So... you gonna buy me a drink?"

Larissa says: "No."

"Why not!"

"You're drunk enough already"

"No I'm not!"

"I don't buy drinks for men."

"Maybe you should start!"

"You know, when the day comes that I really do want to get a man shitfaced and take advantage of him, I'll buy him a drink. But today is not that day."

Drunkie laughs because I'm soooooo hilarious, and then looks at me again, I guess waiting for me to be more cooperative.

I'm done talking here.

Finally the guy wanders off, leaving his keys on the table (as a gift for me, surely) and I turn to HB and tell her that one day I'm gonna get Snooki-punched Jersey Shore style for being so rude to guys.

Heather says, "Its all part of your charm, though."

POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSER.

I'm sincerely capable of being friendly under the right circumstances, I swear.