Life's little mysteries

1. Yesterday I put on glitter eyeliner. This excited me to no ends because I am addicted to glitter.
Glitter knows what's up.

Anyway, point being,
I thought it looked really great, in a non-10-year-old-in-the-crafts-department-of-zellers way, until I looked into the sun, and the thin layer of glitter on my upper eyelid BURST INTO A THOUSAND RAYS OF SUNSHINE.

The only solution was pink plastic aviators, which I did decide to take off whilst visiting the Law Courts Building, unfortunately, gotta keep up appearances.

And SPEAKING OF WHICH, they put your belongings through an x-ray security check before you enter, did you know that?
Apparently I have a penchant for carrying copious amounts of forks and spoons in my purse. I did NOT know that,
but now I do,
since the security woman pointed out this fact, slightly wary.
I don't plan to jab anyone to death!

"You have lots of forks in there."
"Yes, well.. I don't do the dishes too often?"

So THAT'S where all the cuttlery went!


2. Why is it, that when I open up a tin of yogurt, in that suspsenseful moment where I'm peeling back the foil lid of it; when I grasp the corner and slowly pull the tab away from me, my yogurt always PEW PEWs me?

I realize I should learn to just open up my yogurt towards me so that I am not in its line of fire, but why does it spit yogurt at me?

In my fantasy world where every inanimate object has fangs and wants to be my friend, I am severely irked by this issue.

3. Yesterday my boss asked me why most of my friends are guys.
"Because girls are dumb." - Larissa.

Well?
I MEAN, WELL...?
Pause for reflection.
My boss just laughs.
Darin says, "I thought you were a feminist?"

I thought so too. :(
Maybe I'm just a bitch.