Last weekend I visited the iced tea station some neighbourhood girls set up across the street. I purchased a HIGHLY MARKED UP cup of refreshement and a gumball. They were selling gumballs for 25 cents, and when I put my quarter into their toy gumball machine, I got a red one. They gasped, eyes wide.
"SHE GOT A RED ONE," they exclaimed.
Cool and collected, I nod my head, "Yes kids, when you're a grown up, you always get the red gumballs," thanked them for the iced tea and walked away. Might as well have put on some Horatio Cane sunglasses and played the CSI Miami theme song in the background.
Bet they can't wait for their 18th birthdays now!
Well that and the booze.
BUT THIS IS NOT MY STORY!
Today at work, I was helping an older lady pay for her purchase. I don't know what it is about EVERYONE, EVER, but no one understands the process of using a debit card these days.
Everyone is so eager beaver about putting their card in the chip reader before the machine asks them to. This is not a new concept, is it? Machine says "Welcome/Bonjour" and then it says "Insert/Swipe Card" and you insert your card. Bing bang boom. My head asplode.
So the lady just forcefully shoves the ol' debit in the machine and I calmly tell her she'll need to take her card out and wait for the machine to prompt her.
Dejected, she is.
You see, an unknown fact is that I am in the business of life ruining. I ruin 100 lives per day. Sorry, we're out of stock of that product you're looking for. LIFE RUINED. I apologize the line was long for the cash register. LIFE RUINED. Oh you put your card in too fast? LIFE RUINED.
She looks at me stonefaced and says "But it says 'Welcome.'"
OH WELL THEN.
I look back at her.
I look at her, and I don't speak. But I contemplate this cryptic statement I have received.
Yes, it says Welcome. But "Welcome" does not mean "Insert"! If Welcome meant Insert I would have a horrible day, every day, welcoming customers to the store.
"Hi there! NO NO GET IT AWAY!"
"Welcome to the store! WHAT? I DON'T WANT YOUR PENIS."
Fist pumping in the bar, "Hey sexy lady." "Hello--- WAIT WHAT? GET YOUR CROTCH OFF MY THIGH."
Except the last one happens all the time to ladies in the bar.
Welcome does not mean insert.
I look back at her, and smile, and say "...You can go ahead and insert your card now."
Welcome does not mean insert. A metaphor that can be applied to all varieties of situations. A sudden epiphany; I feel serene.
Pic unrelated, unless he inserted when he was not welcome.
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