3 tales of dire consequence

GOOD EVENING WORLD! ITS BEEN A WHILE, AS PER USUAL.

I sometimes feel like my shorter anecdotes don't warrant a blog entry, so I wait until I have a long drawn out story to tell before writing.  In this case, I've waited long enough to compile three into one.
Its a 3 for 1 sale today on Larissa's blog!


Tale 1:
Today HB and I went to Tres Carnales downtown for some tacos. It was a delightful feast of tacos, chips, guacamole and sangria.
On the way there, I notice a group of questionable men walking towards us. Experience has taught me to not make eye contact with people who are going to ask me for money but THEY'RE ONTO ME: One man comes up to me and says "Excuse me lady, do you have any change?"

I usually try to offer a semi-legit excuse to people when they ask me for money. The other night a bunch of friends and I were walking to the bar on Whyte, when a homeless man asked me for money. It was bloody cold so I just said "Sorry man, if we had money we'd be taking a cab right now."

RIGHT? GOOD GIRL LARISSA giving good excuses.
SO ANYWAY RIGHT:

The guys asks me for change. I tell him, no, sorry, I spent it all on a parking meter. I keep walking and think nothing of it. But it yells back at me: "WHAT ABOUT SOME BILLS, THEN?"
REALLY?
REALLY?
This guy obviously never learned how to bargain properly. Thank you so much for reminding me of the option of giving you paper money instead of just coins, homeless man!

I ignore his request and keep walking with HB, whilst saying to her "Honestly, if he got rid of his copious facial tattoos he might find it easier to get a paying job."

Having no bargaining skills while asking for free money isn't normal, but with face tattoos it is.
FACE TATTOOS: NOT EVEN ONCE.

Tale 2:
My father gets all these e-mail forwards from his various colleagues, and forwards them on to me non-stop. He received one the other day that he proudly presented to me, discussing why getting kicked in the balls is worse than childbirth.
Ahhh, the age old question. Why is this always such a hot topic of debate? As a woman never having given birth to a child, I suppose I'm not an expert on this subject, but I retain the right to refute my father's logic. Exhibit A:
A woman will have a child, and perhaps a year later, will turn to her husband with a twinkle in here eye, and say "Honey, lets have another baby." A man, after having suffered blow to the balls, will never turn to his attacker and sweetly request, "Honey, I'll have another."

But a ball blow doesn't end with a little bundle of joy that has your eyes and your wife's nose!
I assume, depends on the transaction and/or the prize for the winner of a game of Ro Sham Bo.

I digress.  ON TO TALE NUMBER 3!

My brother recently purchased a house.
This is awesome because I can finally buy myself a new bed and move into the basement. This may not seem like a great accomplishment, but my bed squeaks with the power of a thousand squeaks, and my current room is still decorated with butterfly wallpaper; a decorating decision I thought would be timeless at age 13, but time has proven otherwise.

ANYWAY.

His new house has a basement, but it's unfinished.  We're discussing this over family dinner on Sunday.  Matt, the guest attendee, suggests to my brother that an unfinished basement is great, because he can turn it into whatever he wants. (A basement suite, spare bedrooms, game room...?)

My brother takes a sip of his drink and, full of poise, states, "Yeah, like a sex dungeon."

Like a sex dungeon.
Just another day in the Larissa household.