For the last 3 days I've been sloggin' the trenches doing my clinical rotations at the hospital. My eyes have been opened to the wonders of stab wounds to the neck, doctors elbow deep in a woman's C-section, and people overdosing on drugs.
At one point, a very non-chalant doctor was discussing the state of a severely sedated, old male patient in ER. We were planning on rolling him to his side and a nurse asked us to wait as she applied some gloves to her hands, for safety purposes.
"Naw, don't bother putting gloves on," says the doctor, "I doubt this guy has gotten around."
Hey man, don't judge a patient by its cover!
Then the doctor pauses, and says "He does have a big dick though."
(I try my hardest to avert my eyes from patient genitalia.)
Then the doctor pauses again, and says "May just be from the edema."
TALE NUMBER TWO:
I'm in the elevator going down after finishing my shift. I hold the door for a patient and we make casual-talk as we're going down, (OOOOOH-errrrrr, JUST KIDDING EVERYONE HE WAS OLD AND HAD A MULLET.)
Anyway
The patient says to me "Its nicer weather out today."
I tell him I wouldn't know, I haven't been outside for 12 hours.
"Oh, long day then?" says the man. I nod my head.
"Man, what do you do with all your money?" he says.
OHHHH
Ohhhh I get it, he thinks I get paid. He thinks I don't work all these 12 hour shifts for free.
I couldn't bring myself to explain to him that I'm on practicum, and since I apparently get off on lying to strangers I turn to him and say "I pay things off" despite the fact I'm still coasting student-loan free. (Huzzah!)
"Good answer," says the man and exits the elevator.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I DO? BUY FERRARIS AND DO COKE?
I shoulda said I buy ferraris and do coke.
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